Mans Best Friend
by Spikesters
Summary: I really have no idea what I was thinking when I wrote this fic. Heck, I dont remember writing it. Take Drunken Spike, the slayer, and a very small dog and what do you get? You'll have to read it to fin out!


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Disclaimer: Nope! I do NOT own any rights, or characters from the television show _Buffy the Vampire Slayer. _They all belong to Joss. *mutters* Lucky bastard

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Dedication: This one goes out to Amber! You are my wackier alternate personality! Luv to ya always girl!

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Feedback: I would really love some feedback on this one. Mainly because I don't even remember writing it.. 

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"Ish not that you aren't cute, ish just that my heart belongs to another." Spike dramatically crossed his hands over his undead heart as he stumbled drunkenly on his feet. All the poodle could do was stare.

"Come now luv, don't look at me like that." looking down at the poodle, a large smile spread across his face. Then his gaze fell to the bottle of tequila in his hand, "Hows about I fix you up with this little guy," holding up the tequila, he pointed to the little worm nestled in the bottom. This only earned a small yap from the dog.

"Now, don't you talk to me like that young la.."

"What the hell are you doing?" Spike stopped mid sentence, and looked toward where the question had come from. There, standing at the edge of the small clearing was the slayer.

"Schlayer, for your information, I was having a deshent conversation with this young lady and gentleman here." Spike chuckled slightly at his witty comeback, holding up the bottle of tequila.

"Spike," Buffy was getting very annoyed, "That is a poodle, and a worm in a bottle."

Spike's gaze quickly fell to the tequila bottle, then to the worm, "Why so it is a worm." Suddenly, he began to sing "Born Free" at the top of his undead lungs, and chucked the bottle at a tree. This sent the worm and shards of glass flying everywhere as the bottle shattered against the tree, "There, that fixes that." Spike then turned back to the slayer, "Happy now?"

"Spike, you're drunk."

"So I am, and that's a problem?"

"Yes. It is."

"Bugger off!"

"Arf." The poodle was getting tired of being ignored.

"YOU!" Spike whirled around to face the small dog, "Your next! Didn't your mother ever teach you manners? And didn't she ever tell you that poodle is the other OTHER white meat?" With that, he took a running dive at the poodle.

Unfortunately the poodle was quick and easily dodged Spike's attack, sending him sprawling on the ground. Within seconds, the small animal was standing on Spike's back, clawing, biting, and barking to all hell. 

"Schlayer! Get thish bloody thing off me!" Buffy was laughing too hard to be able to help out at all. Finally Spike was able to gain his footing enough to stand up. This only got the poodle attacking his ankles and boots. "SLAYER!"

At last Buffy could control her laughter enough to help out a bit. Stepping forward, she gave the poodle a small swat, "Shoo."

The small dog gave Buffy a look of pure innocence before giving one final yelp and disappearing into some bushes nearby.

Spike was finally gaining his composure, "Bloody hell Slayer, that think could have killed me. Again."

"Spike," Buffy was once again trying to control her laughter, "It was a poodle! A little dog.."

"Right demonic thing at that!" Spike looked down at his feet to avoid Buffy's mocking stare. Noticing that his boots now had large hole in them, he groaned a bit, "That's just bloody great. That devil ruined my boots."

"So what, you've been wearing them for like fifty years. It was time for a change." Buffy watched as Spike looked drunkenly at his boots and couldn't help but notice how incredibly sexy he was when he was drunk. _*Hold it there Buffy!* _her mind was screaming, _*This is Spike, you know, vampire, "grr", so very **not **sexy..* _

"So what if I've worn them a lot. These boots and I have history."

"Yes and what a history that must be: blood, torture, and maiming. Sounds so NOT fun."

"Well for your information it was fun. And if you're only going to insult me then I'm leaving!" Spike took two steps, wobbled on his feet a bit, and proceeded to trip over a gravestone. 

"Looks like Buffy gets to have another fun night of helping the drunk vampire.." Buffy moved to help him up, but Spike stood up, brushing her off.

"I dont need your help Slayer!" Spike continued to try and walk away, but he continued to stumble and finally gave up, settling down on the ground.

Buffy let out a small sigh as she watched him. Finally stalking over she asked, "Are you done being an asshole? Will you let me help you now?"

Suddenly Spike realized what he was doing _*Spike! This is Buffy. THE BUFFY! You know, the one you dream about!*_

"Fine.." Spike mentally rejoiced as the petite blonde slayer grabbed his arms and helped him stand up.

A half an hour, and several curses later, Buffy finally arrived at Spike's crypt. Heading inside, she dumped the almost unconscious vampire into a chair. She began to leave, but Spike stopped her, "Slayer?"

"Yeah Spike." Buffy suddenly felt her extreme want to leave diminish. 

"Love you.."

"I know." Bending down, Buffy placed a small kiss on the blonde vampires forehead. Then heading out the door she mentally calculated how many days till he would let her live that down, if he even remembered.

Because she was concentraiting so hard, Buffy did not notice the small dog that slipped into the crypt as she made her way out. And through the crypts thick walls, she couldn't hear the shouts of "Bloody hell" and "Slayer! Help!" As a very brassed off little dog got its revenge.

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END


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